Boundaries are important in relationships. Knowing what you are and are not okay with and communicating those things to others can seem like a difficult task. Here are some steps to help you establish boundaries, communicate them clearly, and build healthy relationships.
First off, evaluate what your values are and what is important to you. If you value your health and getting adequate sleep, then setting a boundary of not responding to calls or texts after 10pm would be beneficial. If your education is important and having a strong work ethic is a priority, hanging out with friends after your homework is finished is a line you can set.
We have many relationships between work, school, hobbies, religious commitments, family and friendships. If you value family time, then putting parameters on your availability to other people is key. Maybe you have a baseball tournament next weekend, blocking out that time and time for practice in your calendar so other relationship commitments don’t interfere would be a healthy boundary.
Boundaries have to do with our time, attention, emotions, as well as our physical bodies. If you have chosen to abstain from sex outside of marriage, then setting up physical parameters in romantic relationships is crucial. This can look like deciding not to kiss until you are engaged, not holding hands until one month into the relationship, not being alone together in dark and secluded places. These boundaries will look different for each person. Romantic relationships have added emotional pressure. Establishing boundaries before a situation arises where those parameters may be crossed can help you stick to what you are comfortable with.
Having boundaries helps empower an individual to know where they stand in certain situations. It is also important that these boundaries are communicated clearly. Communicating boundaries ensures the other party knows what you are and are not okay with. It is helpful to talk about boundaries when each person is in a calm state. This gives them the opportunity to show you respect by not crossing the limits you have established and thereby honoring your consent. When they know what your boundaries are they can support you and you can support them in having healthy relationships.
Respecting others’ limits is part of a healthy relationship. It can take practice sticking to your boundaries. One way to practice is to say “no” or “no thanks” when you are pressured to participate in activities that go against your beliefs or values. This can refer to something as serious as illegal activity or as simple as a hug. Giving and receiving consent shows respect and value for the individual and the boundaries they have set.
I challenge you to take the time right now to type out what your values are, what boundaries you need to establish to prioritize them, and how you will let others know those boundaries. You can set your phone in another room while you do your homework, pick a time to go over your physical expectations with your partner, or text a friend that you can hang out next weekend instead. Start somewhere and adjust as needed. Boundaries will greatly help you in your pursuit of healthy relationships going forward.
Resources:
“A Guide for Setting Boundaries in a Relationships” https://www.lyrahealth.com/blog/boundaries-in-relationships/“the importance of setting boundaries ep4”
“The importance of setting boundaries” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xu7aHViQmjw
“Setting Healthy Boundaries in Relationships” https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/setting-healthy-boundaries-in-relationships.htm